As part of my master’s research, I interviewed adults who experienced childhood sexual abuse and discussed their journeys into parenting. This article explores their insights, focusing on the theme: “The Personal Journey as a Transformative Experience.”
For many participants, becoming a parent marked the beginning of a multi-stage process of healing and self-discovery. Holding their children for the first time, they were struck by the contrast between the love they felt for their children and the neglect and abuse they endured as children. One participant shared a powerful metaphor to describe this vulnerability, comparing it to a hungry cat: “If you want to harm a cat, you don’t go to a villa full of alarms to steal it. You find a hungry cat, one that will come to you willingly, unaware of your true intentions.” Another participant reflected on how his abuser targeted those he considered weak, leading him to be more careful in choosing a supportive, understanding partner as an adult.
As they moved through their journeys, some participants sought professional help to address the lasting impacts of their experiences. One participant, after seeing a psychiatrist, described feeling an overwhelming anger as he began to process the magnitude of what happened to him. Another shared how he experienced physical symptoms like stomachaches and high blood pressure, realizing he wanted to find a stable life for himself before bringing children into the world.
This transformative process led some participants to find new meaning in their past experiences. For example, one participant found a sense of purpose in his pain, saying that it enabled him to empathize deeply with others who had gone through hardships. He shared that although his “wounds remain,” he no longer felt burdened by the pain they once caused.
Participants also reflected on how they questioned their sense of masculinity and the complex emotions related to their abuse. Some wondered if their response to acknowledging another man as “handsome” affected their self-identity. For others, hurtful comments from outsiders – like a suggestion that a child might “entice” an abuser – added confusion and pain.
Through these reflections, participants illustrated how complex and winding the road to healing can be. Their journeys reveal that moving beyond past trauma is far from simple, but it is indeed possible to transform pain into a source of strength and understanding.