Deciding that you and your partner no longer fit together as a couple can come as a nasty shock or it’s something you’ve known deep down for some time. One partner’s feelings may feel all over the place, they might be grieving and mourning the relationship it once was or you might both mutually feel that it is time to move on after growing apart. Whatever the reason for separation, when there are children involved, things might feel more complicated.
The following are three things parents can do to make the transition easier for their children, to put their mind at ease and to remind them that they are safe.
Firstly explain that you and their mum/dad have decided to separate because you couldn’t live happily together any more. It would be ideal to avoid saying you don’t love each other anymore because some children might become afraid that you’ll stop loving them. Remind them that you love them as much as ever and their other parent will also always love and take care of them as well. Say this often!
Secondly, clearly state (ideally together) that this separation is definitely not your children’s fault and you also feel sad about the separation (not angry) and you understand that they’ll feel sad as well. It’s important for them to tell you what would help when they feel sad.
Finally, keep in mind that your children’s lives will also change, so keeping them in the loop about what routine will be agreed on is helpful. If you are still in mediation, let them know you are working on the specifics with a professional. Knowing that things are being taken care of and that seeking help is perfectly fine would encourage them to ask to speak to someone should they need to.